It is the most common but least reported crime in the nation.

It affects men and women in all cultures, races, occupations, income levels and ages.

It is child abuse when it happens in families with children.

Boys who witness their father’s violence are 10 times more likely to abuse their partners in adulthood.

If every woman victimized by domestic violence last year were to join hands in a line, the string of people would span from New York to Los Angeles and back again.

IF YOU ARE A VICTIM OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE:
RCW 10.99.030 (7)

You can ask the city or county prosecuting attorney to file a criminal complaint. You also have the right to file a petition in superior, district, or municipal court requesting an Order for Protection from domestic abuse which could include any of the following:

• An order restraining your abuser from further acts of abuse;
• An order directing your abuser to leave your household;
• An order preventing your abuser from entering your residence, school, business, or place of employment;
• An order awarding you or the other parent custody of or visitation with your minor child or children; &
• An order restraining your abuser from molesting or interfering with minor children in your custody."

The forms you need to obtain a protection order are available in any municipal, district, or superior court. Go to "Resources" for local information.

If you have left your abuser and need emergency shelter for yourself or your children or if you need information about domestic violence alternatives, please call the YWCA/ALIVE program at (360)479-1980. An advocate will be available to answer your question and provide the support that you and your children need.

• Be safe.
• Call your local law enforcement agency for help.
• Tell law enforcement officers you want a report taken.
• Ask that an arrest be made.
• Save evidence, such as photographs of bruises, ripped clothing, damaged possessions, etc.
• Ask for a ride to a safe place.
• Ask for a court order for protection.
• File charges in the event the prosecuting attorney decline to prosecute, via a citizen’s complaint.

WHAT IS AN ORDER FOR PROTECTION?

There are several different types of "protective" orders:

• No Contact Orders/Restraining Orders.
• Anti-Harassment Orders.
• Orders for Protection.

An advocate can help you evaluate which order(s) will be appropriate for you.

An Order for Protection is an official civil court order that orders your abuser (the "respondent") to stop being violent and to stop threatening, harassing, or molesting you.

• Restrain the abuser from committing acts of domestic violence.
• Exclude the abuser from your home, even if you share the home.
• Prohibit the abuser from harassment and/or contacting you(on the street, by mail, by telephone, at work, etc.)
• Award temporary custody of minor children to one parent; establish temporary visitation, and restrain one parent from interfering with custody.
• Order the abuser to participate in treatment or counseling.
• Prohibit the abuser from removing the children from the jurisdiction of the court.
• Order the abuser to pay for the costs incurred in obtaining the order.

AN ORDER FOR PROTECTION CANNOT...

• Order child support or maintenance income.
• Assign property to either party, or establish permanent child custody.

WHO CAN GET AN ORDER FOR PROTECTION?

You can get an Order for Protection if you are a victim of domestic violence, that is, if one of your family or household members has:

• Physically hurt you or even attempted harm.
• Threatened you with intermediate, serious harm.
• Sexually abused or raped you.

HOW DO I GET AN ORDER FOR PROTECTION?

You do not need a lawyer to obtain an Order for Protection; the court clerk can help you.

(1) You must go to Superior Court to obtain the Domestic Violence Protection Order; Anti-Harassment Orders can be obtained at any district or municipal court.

(2) You must ask (petition) the court for a Temporary Order for Protection or a Temporary Anti-Harassment Order.

(3) You will be asked to describe the most recent incident and/or threat of domestic violence and any history of domestic violence so that the judge can establish that no order should be signed.

(4) You will need to know the respondent's address and birth date.

(5) If the judge signs the Temporary Order, a copy will be given to you and a copy will be sent to the law enforcement agency in the area where your abuser lives.

(6) The order will be served on your abuser, informing him or her of the hearing date and of the provisions of the Order.

(7) A hearing will be held in approximately 2 weeks, at which time the judge will grant or deny a permanent Order effective for one year or more.

(8) There may be a charge for having your papers delivered/served on your abuser. The judge can order your abuser to repay you for any costs and expenses in your case.

(9) If you are in an emergency situation, you can get a temporary protection order that same day or the day after you file the papers with the court.

(10) The appropriate law enforcement agency will be notified of your Order, and if your abuser violates the order by attacking, threatening, harassing, or molesting you, the law enforcement officers have the responsibility to enforce your order and arrest your abuser.

WILL SOMEONE HELP ME THROUGH THE PROCESS?

Yes! If a law enforcement officer is called to respond to an incident of domestic violence or when you sign an Order for Protection from the court, ... your name and phone number may be given to a domestic violence advocate in your area. Advocates are knowledgeable about the court process and eager to help domestic violence victims. They will even offer to accompany you to court. You are encouraged to take advantage of their services. If you have any questions or concerns, call the YWCA/ALIVE Program,1-800-500-5513.

WHAT HAPPENS IF THE COURT ORDER IS VIOLATED?

If your abuser violates your Order of Protection, call 911 immediately!

The responding law enforcement officers will investigate and arrest your abuser if they have reason to believe that the order has been violated. Have your certified copy of the Order for Protection ready and show it to the law enforcement officers. If your abuser leaves before the law enforcement officers arrive, he or she may be arrested and/or may be issued a citation, and a criminal charge will be forwarded to the prosecutor’s office. An assault or reckless endangerment in violation of an Order for Protection is a felony.

If your abuser is arrested, he/she could be released the same day. Please call the YWCA/ALIVE Shelter at(360)479-1980 or 1-800-500-5513, if you fear for your safety or need a place to stay.

DO I NEED A COURT ORDER TO GET POLICE HELP?

No, you don’t need a court order to get law enforcement officers to help you. If you are attacked, you call 911 immediately.

Law enforcement officers can arrest your abuser if they have reason to believe your abuser has committed a crime against you or your children. The responding law enforcement officers will investigate any complaint filed and will take appropriate actions. If the abuser is a family or household member and the law enforcement officers have reason to believe that you were assaulted within the past four hours, the law states that your abuser must be arrested and taken to jail. Even if your abuser is not arrested, you can file criminal charges against him or her by contacting the prosecuting attorney.

CAN I CHANGE OR TERMINATE MY ORDER FOR PROTECTION?

You can file a form to request a change or terminate your order, but an order will not be modified, become void or terminate without a judges approval or unless it expires.

The appropriate law enforcement agency will be notified if it is changed or terminated. It is important to note that if you invite your abuser back in to live with you, or even just visit while the Order of Protection is still in effect, and hasn’t expired, your abuser may be subject to arrest and prosecution. The Order of Protection will not become void unless it expires or a judge agrees to modify or cancel it.

COMMON INDICATORS OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE:

USING EMOTIONAL ABUSE:

• Putting you down and/or calling you names.
• Making you feel bad about yourself.
• Making you think you’re crazy.
• Playing mind games.
• Humiliating you.
• Making you feel guilty.
• Constant criticism.
• Repeatedly making and breaking promises.
• Subverting your relationship with your children.
• Silent treatment.
• Manipulating your feelings.
• Belittling your abilities and competency.

• Controlling what you do, who you talk to and see, what you read, and where you go.
• Limiting your outside involvement with other people.
• Withholding or limiting access to phone usage.
• Withholding or limiting transportation.
• Undermining your friendships.
• Harassing your friends or family.
• Constant "checking up".
• Use of unfounded accusations or rumors.
• Forced imprisonment.

• Making or carrying out threats to hurt you.
• The threat or actual use of blackmail.
• Threatening to leave you.
• Threatening to hurt self.
• Threatening to commit suicide.
• Threatening to report you to CPS or DSHS.
• Threatening to report you to welfare, INS, etc.
• Threatening to call the police.
• Making you drop charges or change your story in court.
• Making you do illegal drugs.
• Making you lie to law enforcement officers.

• Making you afraid by using looks, gestures, or actions.
• Destroying property.
• Abusing pets.
• Displaying weapons.

• Maintaining total control over your financial resources.
• Withholding money or access to money.
• Forbidding or restricting school or employment.
• Requiring accountability and justification for all money spent.
• Forced welfare fraud.
• Making you pay for his personal bills and debts.
• Preventing you from getting or keeping a job.
• Making you ask for money.
• Giving you an allowance.
• Taking your money.
• Not letting you know about or have access to family income.

• Coercing or attempting to coerce any sexual contact without consent, including but not limited to: marital rape, acquaintance rape, forced sex after physical beating, attacks on sexual parts of the body, unprotected sex, humiliating sex.
• Attempts to undermine your sexuality by treating you in a derogatory manner, criticizing sexual performance and desirability.
• Accusations of infidelity.
• Withholding of sex.

• Making you feel guilty about the children.
• Using the children to relay messages.
• Using visitation to harass you.
• Threatening to take the children away.
• Threatening, or actually harming the children.
• Intentionally expose them to violence.

• Making light of the abuse and not taking your concerns (or others’) about it seriously.
• Saying the abuse didn’t happen, or you caused it.
• Shifting responsibility for abusing behavior.

• Treating you like a servant.
• Making all the big decisions.
• Acting like "master of the castle".
• Being the one to define men’s and women’s roles.

• Inflicting or attempting or inflict physical injury and/or illness by grabbing, pinching, shoving, slapping hitting, hair-pulling, biting, arm-twisting, kicking, punching, hitting with blunt objects, stabbing, shooting.
• Withholding access to resources necessary to maintain your health, such as medications, prescriptions, doctors appointments, food and fluids, hygienic assistance.
• Forced use of alcohol or other drug use.

YOU DON’T HAVE TO LIVE WITH IT!

Domestic abuse affects people of all ages, races, religions, sexual orientation and social status. It happens to dating teens, newlyweds, and long established married couples. It is not healthy or normal to be in an abusive relationship of any kind.

TREATMENT IS AVAILABLE:

• Support groups, education, and counseling are all available to victims of domestic violence
• A certified domestic violence perpetrator treatment program is available for your abuser. Go to Perpetrator Treatment section for a list of the Washington State certified providers in Kitsap County. Or call, DSHS at 360.902.7901 for a list of certified providers in other Washington counties. Anger management is NOT the same as domestic violence perpetrator treatment.
• Couples counseling is NOT safe or appropriate until your abuser receives certified domestic violence perpetrator treatment.
• The Task Force has videos about DV available for checkout to the community. They are housed at the Y.W.C.A. Community Center, 905 Pacific Ave. in Bremerton. For more information on what is available, click here to see the list or, call the Y.W.C.A. at 360.479.0491 between 8:30 A.M. and 4:30 P.M. Monday - Friday.

• Abusers generally do not have a simple anger management problem – they abuse you in order to establish and maintain power and control over you.
• No amount of care in your housekeeping, child rearing, or personal habits will prevent your abuser’s inevitable build up of anger, rage and desire for control and power over you. Sooner or later, your abuser will find or make some reason to abuse you – you are not to blame.
• Your situation will not improve and your abuser will not change for the better until he/she receives professional counseling. And if your children see or hear your abuser hurting you, they will be seriously and negatively affected in a multitude of ways. Domestic violence is also child abuse.
• Find a trusted friend, family member, or victim advocate whom you can talk. It is crucial to establish a support system. Part of your abuser’s power comes form secrecy. Victims are often ashamed to let anyone know about intimate family problems. Go to a friend, a neighbor, a counselor. You do not have to go through this alone!
• Plan ahead and know what you will do if you are attacked again. If you decide to leave, choose a place to go and set aside some money. Have an overnight bag packed and ready. Advocates at the YWCA can provide detailed safety checklist for you.
• Learn to think and function independently. Try to plan for the future and set goals for yourself. Do not be afraid to ask for help.